A Horrific Generic Viagra Sexcapade in Dracula’s Castle

Yes, my loyal readers, it's me, Bill. I'm back with another episode from my European silver anniversary Grand Sex Tour, which I took with my wife, and with Generic Viagra, which had saved our relationship. A lot of guys with erectile dysfunction might tell themselves-aw, what the hell, we'll just "be friends." It's not sex that's important to a woman-it's those little signs of affection, those kisses in the afternoon, taking the garbage out, being a breadwinner, etc., etc. What a bunch of bull. If there's one thing Generic Viagra has taught me, it's that-even for women-it's all about sex. That is, if you aren't having good sex, your relationship is in big trouble. Women who are honest will tell you-they need to be taken regularly. They need to see you being a man, and they need to feel like a woman. If you don't have the staying power (or even the starting power!) to make that happen, you've got big problems. After months of wallowing in denial, I realized that our silver anniversary was approaching-and the thought of one cold hotel room bed after another, with my sullen, undersexed-no, make that unsexed-wife curled up in the fetal position beside me every night-well, it was scary. That's when I ordered my Generic Viagra. At that point, it wasn't about pride, it was about taking action. What I didn't understand then was how Generic Viagra would restore my pride-hell, it restored my youth. I was doing some crazy things, some kinky things. But that was all fun and games-and the end of the day, I was pounding my wife long and hard.

For all of my exploits, I'd earned some impressive nicknames-such as William the Conqueror, Erekticles, and even Ramses (you know, the ramming). We'd journeyed with Generic Viagra through France, Germany, Rome and Greece, and even Egypt, where we had sex within plain view of the Great Pyramid at Giza. Thanks to Generic Viagra, I was truly hung like a Great Sphinx that day. After our bout of sand dune sex in the Saharan sun, we both had excellent tans-and on parts of our body that had rarely seen the light of day! Ramses the Second, as I called my manhood, was now a healthy bronze-truly worthy of a Pharaoh. But, alas, it was time to move on, back across the Mediterranean, for a short stop in a truly exotic-and frankly, scary-locale: that part of Romania known as Transylvania, home of-you guessed it-Count Dracula. Thus I earned yet another Generic Viagra nickname: Vlad the Impaler. We toured the historic Count Dracula's infamous castle, and learned about how he got that nickname-for cruelly impaling his enemies on long shafts. "Funny, I always thought Dracula was just a kinky sex pervert," my wife said. "Granted," I said, "drinking blood is a bit too kinky for my tastes-but hey, if that gets you off..."

"I prefer drinking something else," said my wife, pulling back from the tour group, and pushing me into a niche in the hallway. "I vant to suck your..." Blood flow, guys. It's all about blood flow. Because I'd taken some Generic Viagra before leaving on our tour, I responded the way a man should when she suddenly unzipped my fly and barely managed to consume all of me. I tried to stay quiet during all of this. We'd had some wild sex since taking Generic Viagra on our trip with us-but Count Dracula's castle? This was something the guys back home at the corner bar just wouldn't believe. We were worried that another tour group would be following soon, so I decided to take matters into my own hands, and make it quick. I pulled out of her mouth, pushed her up against the wall, and impaled her. She described it afterwards as a "sweet, slow torture." And she called me "Vlad the Impaler." Thank you, Generic Viagra!